ELF ON THE SHELF UPDATE

December 23, 2021

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

(Riverhead, NY) As Christmas approaches, friends and colleagues of the Elf on the Shelf rallied in front of the Suffolk County Correctional Facility in Riverhead for his release. The Elf on the Shelf is currently being held without bail at the Suffolk County Correctional Facility for allegedly causing mayhem across Suffolk County. He is charged with Attempting to Distract the Sheriff from his Duties and 439 counts of Silly Mischief in the 3rd Degree.

Some of those protesting included Frosty the Snowman, Comet the Reindeer, a Nutcracker who preferred to remain nameless, and an elf named Hermie. Frosty was the most vocal of the group, constantly yelling “Send him home!” and strangely, “Happy Birthday!” every time the wind blew his hat off and Comet put it back on. The Nutcracker, who appeared to be in a branch of the military, held a sign stating, “Put the Elf back on the Shelf!” When asked to comment, he opened his mouth and closed it a few times but never said anything. Comet the Reindeer spoke highly of the Elf on the Shelf’s case. “My brother in law, Rudolph R. Reindeer, Esq. is representing him. I am confident that these ridiculous charges will be dropped and he will be back home for Christmas. Finally, Hermie the Elf really missed his friend. “I realize that the Elf on the Shelf can be a bit messy- he and I shared a dorm room in college. But who doesn’t make a mess now and then?”

Sheriff Toulon could not speak about the case, but said the Elf on the Shelf seems to be trying to behave in the Jail. “He mostly sits there motionless looking sweet and innocent. But once, when the Correction Officer left to conduct a supervisory tour of the rest of the tier, he wrapped toilet paper around the bars and threw his pencils in the sink.”

The Elf on the Shelf has a court appearance today at 2:00 P.M.